Yelzy's Garden Trendy Birthday in the Hamps

I don't know where to begin with this Hamptons post.
Maybe, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..."
Yep, that about sums it up.

This summer, we headed back to the Hamptons with Yelena's brother, Roman, but this time, it was for the purpose of Yelzy's birthday and Diddy joined us!

It was apparently an exhausting Jitney ride...

But we arrived in style and in totally normal, late-twenties-like, behavior.

Oops. We matched. Sorry we're not sorry.

Last year the house had fantastic decorations... this year, fantastic entertainment.

Including a karaoke machine.
A low point was when we joined in on the consistent and painful karaoke with the hopes that if our housemates thought they weren't annoying us, then they wouldn't want to continue. Unfortunately, that method was ineffective.
The torture continues.

Roman's housemates from last year were no where to be found this year and we had to adjust to all new personalities.

Personalities that drove a Ferrari and other personalities that fought over who would ride in the passenger's seat of said Ferrari. Personalities who were in constant contact with someone they HATED just to use that person's membership status to get into prestigious clubs and beach houses.

Beach houses I got thrown out of for using a "fake ID" as Karrie G when my apparent real identity was an underage Alexandra Something-or-other? Keep in mind, the only thing I'd ordered in my two hours there, was a Diet Coke and I was the DD. Vom. Disgusted. It only took 3 separate ID checks by 2 different people, a verbal dispute with a nasty bar manager, and proof of identification by debit card when finally, I shoved my Costco card in her face.
Well I'd proven her to be insane, rude, and wrong, OH SO wrong... now she probably thought I was a 45 yr old soccer mom with 6 kids! How many underage russian girls do you know with the need for toilet paper and toothpaste in bulk? Winner! Security apologized on her behalf and we left. I didn't want to stay there in the first place - it was filled with disgusting, superficial people, but I didn't want to be called a liar. That day was an experience in it's self, but from here on out, I'll go by Alexandra.
More photos from the Montauk Beach House nightmare.
These photos were taken both pre and mid nightmare, but definitely pre-verbal dispute.

Here I am getting CRAZY with my diet coke.

Let's skip back to the first night though...
On the first night, The Social Club was on our plan of attack and when we asked Roman what we should wear out - meaning dresses or jeans? - his response was, "It's like... Garden Trendy."
Amazing!
An amazing and unexpected response!
We ran with it.
And so this is what three best friends (+1 not pictured big brother) look like being garden trendy in the Hamptons.

If you couldn't already tell, King, Prince, and Duke Douche were not with us the first night. Look at all that unadulterated fun we're having!
We didn't meet those losers until breakfast the next morning when they stole the girls' coffee, rampaged nearly all of the food before we even got any, and feasted at the kitchen table like royalty as we sat humbly in indian style on the ground with our crumbs. Ok, it wasn't all that bad, but they did steal and they did allow us to sit on the floor and not one person offered up their seat.
Boys, not men.

(Ridin' dirty down Montauk Highway)

Now being as one of the girls (aka me) took a stick of butter, an egg, and a bag of cookie dough mix in my luggage on the Jitney, and one of the guys took a two-seater sports car, I'd say us roomies were all on different pages.
Last year, we shared the kitchen with the boys for all of our meals, there was some entertainment, a guacamole-off, and dolphin impressions. This year, we were the only ones using the kitchen and the only appreciation we got was an enraged drunken lunatic running around the house, banging down our bedroom door at 1AM screaming "This whole house smells like chocolate chip cookies! Where the ___ are they?! We know you're awake! We saw you cut out the light from the driveway!"
Crazy. On a whole new level.

In his defense, we had definitely hidden them from him.
Also, don't judge our college-esque eating habits. When the boys were away, the mice could finally play. Plus it was Yelzy's birthday and this is what she wanted.

Considering we were with a bunch of crazy dudes, we really did have a blast!
We lounged in and around the pool...

(Roman ↑ )

attempted & failed miserably at swimming acrobatics...

I volunteered again (what was I thinking?) to be DD for these guys...

we dined across from Amanda Seyfried at "our spot," The Blue Parrot
(you can't tell, but we know she's right behind us... and that we look glorious just off the jitney)...

we watched some summer olympics at a bar
(unrelated picture, but Yelz was so proud of herself for this one)...

invented and played our own summer olympics...

slept three-to-a-bed... this was our method of giving the Birthday Princess all the room she needed...

ate ice cream in the sweltering heat until Diddz made a mess of herself...

did shark impressions...

and danced our faces off at a great place that required no ID, no membership, and had the greatest DJ of all time!!! At one point, he played a mash up of Jay-Z with the 1999 hit broadway musical, Rent and I thought my brain would explode. It made my life when every person out there, sang every word to both songs... Oh New Yorkers, how I love you!
It was a vast difference from The Montauk beach house and I was totally in my happy place. We laughed and laughed.

On the last day, we woke up to this beauty...

And since the crazies were gone, we relaxed while Roman fixed us dinner.

ROMAN!!! 

Finally properly in a picture!!!

Then we discovered another photo opportunity and immediately forced him to be our photog once again. We had a matching moment. 

I LOVE to match my girlfriends... Like, love! Always have, always will.

Loved to match my momma's church dress when I was little and will love matching my kids (both to me, and each other) if I have them. 

Kerny had bought us these insulated cups to keep us refreshed all day long and we all just so happened to be wearing the last day, what we'd worn on the first... Stripes. 

Can you say photo opportunity?!

Before long, we were heading back to the city on the jitney for the second year in a row.

 Other than being all together and laughing a good amount (pretty typical), we didn't really celebrate Yelzy's birthday. Not properly anyway. I mean, we had brunch (also typical), but in fact, now that I think about it, poor thing didn't even have a cake! I demand a redo!
Nonetheless, we had a great time and I was glad to have them both to myself for a few days. I can never get enough of those two! I am grateful to Diddy for letting me have part ownership in Yelz as a best friend because there are no three better people made for each other than us three.
If our life were the hangover, Yelz would be Stu - smart and logical, Diddz would be Doug - somewhere, yes, but DEFINITELY sunburnt, and I... Well, we all know I'd be Alan - just pants-less and lucky to call us "the three best friends that anybody could have..."

 And if you're wondering, no one. No one would be Phil. Because none of us are douchey enough or frankly good-looking enough to be him... "I mean, if you're going to be that big of a douche, you at least have to be good looking, right?"
One would think...
Classic Hamptons!

I love you Yelz! I love that gorgeous face, that clever mind, and that nurturing heart more than you'll ever know. My life in NYC (and my wolf pack ) wouldn't be complete without you and unfortunately for you, you're stuck with me forever and ever amen! I'm never letting go!

Love,
your sweet Birdie, Alexandra* tweet-tweet